I've thought about writing to you countless times, but I never really could string my words together. As I woke up in the middle of the night, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I had a sudden urge to read Jonathan Livingston Seagull all over again. I frantically searched through my cupboard, and was disappointed to not find it there.
And then I saw the Messiah's Handbook. I'm always at a loss for good questions at such times. I think I asked "Do I still have any love left inside me?" I think I meant "Am I capable of being in love again?" This was my answer: "What if all these levels inside you are your friends, and they know a lot more than you know? What if your teachers are here, right now? Instead of always talking, what if for a change you listen?"--I want to! But at the moment I have so many thoughts buzzing inside my head that I need to get them out to feel calm again.
[Incidentally, I also found some verses I wrote a couple of months ago and this answer also addresses the same!]
Every time I wake up like this, thinking of you, or with an urge to read your words, I am a bit spooked. I wonder why this happens, and I imagine having a direct connection with you, and I worry, is everything OK with you? I have goosebumps every time I think that some day you will pass on from this world. Although we've never met/spoken, there's this strong bond I feel, which makes me sad at the thought of no longer having you around.
So, before the possibility of you reading this is forever lost, here's what I needed to say:
Thank you! Thanks for being what you are and sharing your thoughts with us. As innumerable people must have said before: your words have had a huge impact on my life. They've helped me through many rough times, and have given me profound joy and peace whenever I felt I was losing faith in my self.
[My mind went blank for a while here.]
I've been wanting to meet you, knowing fully well that there is nothing I could contribute to your life. I only wanted to express my gratitude, but I know I would have been at a loss of words in your presence. So here it is: thanks a million for existing during my time on earth :)
Love and regards,
PS: After I wrote it all out, I asked "Will this ever reach Richard?" To which, I got "Know that ever about you stands the reality of love, and each moment you have the power to transform the world by what you have learned." You did really hear my first question, didn't you?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
|... is Troubled|
You are compassionate, caring, and soothing.
You like other people to depend on you...
In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out.
Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems.
Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart.
You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.
What's the Part of You That No One Sees?
Yes, hubby, I can hear you mumble "bossy bitch." This post just proves your point. Now go get that batter so I make appé and dosas to feed our ever-hungry stomachs :P